Family
Opening Balance__________(MY FROM)

1. List names, birthday and relation of all living grandparents, parents, children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and in-laws. Also list how long it has been since you have talked to and visited this person. Note: It is permissible to call and/or visit these people today (after completing My Life Appraisal).

Example - John Doe- 2-22-78-son- talked 1week - visited 2 weeks________________

Are you satisfied with the time that has lapsed in talking and/or visiting with these family members? Are there any strained relationships between you and any of this group? Would any of this group consider you or your actions as part of the problem? We will not ask that you write this. We only request that you develop a plan to correct the problem if it is creating issues with you or other family members. Ask yourself this question; if that person(s) were to suddenly pass away, would you regret not taking action. Don't fall into the "well, they should come to me" trap. You are completing "My Life Appraisal™" for results, not excuses. You are the one taking the initiative to change your life. YOU are in the "Regret Reduction" mode. Never forget that the definition of a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one member.

This is also a great place to mention this fact. Whatever priority you place on family has a great opportunity to be passed on to your children. If family is not a high priority in your life, don't be surprised when the day comes that family is not a high priority in the life of your children.

"Life's so full of questions, and here's one just for me.
Have I been the person, that I'd want my child to be?"
Lyrics from "What Are They Leaving With?" Lyrics and music by Greg Gilbert (ASCAP) Greg Gilbert Publishing

When and what was the last family vacation?

What are some of your favorite memories of this vacation?

When and what is the next scheduled family vacation?

2. If married, name, birthday and anniversary of spouse.

3. When is the last time you and your spouse went out to dinner and or a special function alone?

4. When is the last time you and your spouse spent the night in a condo or hotel alone?

5. Do you have a scheduled "date night"? YES NO

6. Do you have a scheduled trip alone in the future? YES NO -
Where?

7. In the past year, how many non-work related nights have you spent away from your spouse? Golf, tennis, hunting, fishing, shopping, etc.

8. In the past year, how many nights have you spent in a condo or hotel with your spouse on a vacation, business or pleasure trip? ________________________________ Is there an imbalance between question 7 & 8? YES NO

9. Are you comfortable in saying the words "I love you" to people that are special in your life. YES NO

Were you told the words "I love you" by your parents? If the answer to this question is no, please break this cycle. If you can remember this, it troubles you. Don't pass this on. If you use these words "I'm not made that way". Fix it, become made that way.

10. If male, do you open the car door for your spouse, mother or significant other? YES NO

11. When is the last time you did something special for a spouse, child or parent, just because. When and what?

12. When is the last time you played a card or board game with your spouse, child or grandchild?

Another thing to consider is the amount of uninterrupted conversation that does not involve pause, mute, a phone, video game or wait until commercial. Watching TV together is not communicating and spending quality time together. "I think I see the cause of our moral deterioration. It's a product of our 35 inch, flat screen education." Line from the chorus of a song I wrote, "35 Inch Flat Screen Education"

13. At lunch, your child accidently knocks their water glass over. At dinner, a neighbor accidently knocks their water glass over. Do you handle these situations in the same manner, the same tone of voice? Were the words "That's OK, let me clean that up" said in both cases? YES NO

If NO, why? Do you feel the different tone and words contribute to the "training" process with your child? One of the greatest challenges in my HR career AND as a parent was being able to quickly identify something as a "mistake or accident" OR as a "performance problem". These are handled so differently (thank goodness) because we all make mistakes and have accidents. Multiple accidents and mistakes = a performance problem.

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Before you complete the remainder of the family portion I would like to share a poem that I wrote about how differently we view things that occur.

The Best Day Of My Life©
By: Greg Gilbert-www.greggilbert.org

He sat there in the attic, surrounded by his past,
His wife had saved everything; where 50 years of life together was stashed.
It had only been a year since the death of his wife,
But a son, a daughter, friends and grandkids had all helped fill his life.

His wife, friend and partner never lost faith or her smile as he brushed back a few tears,
What the doctors had said would just be months, turned into 14 wonderful years.

The memories raced though his mind under the glow of a 60-watt light,
You know it's just hard to close a book it took 50 years to write.

As he looked through boxes of photos, he laughed, then he cried.
They had a very good life together, that couldn't be denied.

There were albums of many vacations, photos of her and the kids,
Many times he stayed home and worked, the only picture missing was his.

Then it caught his eye, one box alone, up there on that shelf,
It contained two diaries and a journal packed all by their self.

He brushed off the dust, thumbed through the books slowly one by one,
As he viewed dates and memories recorded by his wife, daughter and son.

There were many events written but the memories were much different in his mind,
But he too had kept a journal so he gathered the three books and down the stairs he climbed.

He found his journal from this time frame buried oh so deep in a file,
He opened it up to compare the writings of a father, a wife and a child.

He flipped open his journal and just picked a day one Spring,
It said he took off from work, wasted the entire day fishing with my family, and didn't catch a thing.

He scrambled to find March 20, 1965 in each of the other three diaries of his son, daughter and wife,

They all said the same thing, went fishing with my family and had the best day of my life!
-By Greg Gilbert

The point is, don't ever think that time spent with family is wasted. Keep this in mind as you plan things to make deposits in your "Family Account".

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14. List five activities you can perform that will assist you in adding value to your family. (Deposits)

15. List five activities that you perform that are a detriment to your success in your family. (Withdrawals)

16. How many times in the last week did your entire family have a meal together, at home, around a table?______________________________
In the past month? __________________________________________

For the first 30 days of "My Life Appraisal™" we recommend a daily log of deposits and withdrawals in each category. Log the activity and the date under the correct column. This sheet can be copied or extras printed out. After the first 30 days we recommend at least a weekly review. This process is much too important to not continue because "Nothing Changes Until Something Is Written". It is your success we are dealing with. Your first entry on your balance sheet should be your opening balance.

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The sheet below is where we establish our "account balance" in all aspects of our life. This will be between 0 and 10 with 10 being excellent in .25 increments. This is where we will track progress as we make more "deposits" into these accounts. (We do realize there will be withdrawals but as we continue to grow, these will be overshadowed by the deposits.)Family Account Balance Sample10 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
9.75 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
9.50 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
9.25 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
9.0 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
8.75 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
8.5 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
8.25 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
8.0 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
7.75 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
7.5 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
7.25 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
7.0 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
6.5 gg 10-3-11 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
6 _gg 4-1-11 gg 7-4-11 __________ __________ __________ ___________
5 _gg 1-1-11 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
4 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
3 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
2 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
1 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
0 __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________


Place your initials and date in the space closest to your opening balance.

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This chart is a sample of the ROUTE portion of "My Life Appraisal and Performance Improvement Plan". The document will be in PDF format and will be ready for the 3-ring binder that will change your ROUTE from "accidental" to "intentional".

This is one of the seven aspects of your life we will explore. You can add or subtract from these aspects depending on what you want out of life."One Life - One Binder"